Here’s an interesting question: what’s the difference between a reward and a bribe?  Most parenting experts would say that the distinction comes down to the use of the word “if”.  “If you keep your room clean all month, I’ll give you $20″ would be considered a bribe because the child has the option to do it or not.  The room stays messy?  No money.  It’s up to him or her.  But a reward is something given for a job well done.  Not a huge difference, perhaps.  But however we define it, we need to be careful about paying kids, either with money or other rewards, for their behaviour.

Some people feel it’s a good idea to pay for chores done around the house.  I’m not a huge fan of that arrangement, simply because at a certain point, your kids will decide they don’t need the money that badly or that they’d rather do without both the money and the chore, and you’ve set up a plan that allows them an escape clause.  But the garbage still needs to be taken out, and the dog still needs to be walked, and the dishwasher still needs to be unloaded, so now who does it fall on to get all that done?  Yup, you.  By tying chores or other responsibilities (such as school grades) to money, we muddy the waters of the purpose of both chores and money: kids do chores and contribute around the house because that’s what it means to be a member of a family, and kids have money in order to learn money management.  When we combine the two, we run the risk of damaging both lessons.

We have to be careful not to sap our children’s innate motivation level by tying their success to rewards.  If we pay our kids for each A on their report card, the incentive is financial and dependent on someone else (namely, you) and that person’s determination of success.  But if we teach our kids to always try their best and that we’re proud of their efforts regardless of the results, then they become internally motivated, interested in doing well and succeeding because of the way it makes them feel.  I think that’s the goal of most parents: for their children to do the right thing, even when there’s no one watching and no tangible pay-off for doing so.  Giving a reward for any task completed works against that goal.