Kids develop fears.  It can start with separation anxiety as a toddler, become a fear of clowns as a preschooler, and continue to a fear of answering a question in class as a school-ager. 

About one in 30 children will develop a full-blown phobia, so they’re hardly uncommon, and they can develop at any age.  A fear is considered a phobia when it’s excessive and interferes with a person’s ability to function.  If your child has a fear of sharks, for example, you’ll probably find that she can get along just fine in the world.  But if she develops a phobia of elevators, or eating in a public place, or going to the doctor, that can become a problem that impacts how your family goes through life.

A good place to start is with your family doctor.  He or she can make some recommendations for treatment options and support if the fear is beginning to run your life.  But there’s also a lot you can do at home, too.  When I work with clients on overcoming phobias, we often do a desensitization process, where we break the fear down into smaller components.  Let’s say your son has a phobia around dogs.  Depending on the age of your child, you can talk with him about the different aspects of being around dogs and what of these aspects are scarier than others.  Let’s say that seeing a dog walking by outside, through the window, when you’re inside, is not very scary, and being in the same room with a dog is kind of scary, and petting a dog is very scary.  (There are probably lots of steps in between, but for our purposes, we’ll use those three.)  Then you can create some opportunities to start at the most manageable one, seeing a dog walk by outside, and practice that step.  Encourage your child and point out all the ways he’s doing well: staying calm, not anticipating the worst, recognizing that the dog can’t hurt him.

Over the course of time, you can then move on to the next step: being in the same room with a dog.  This could take weeks or months perhaps, and if your child shows signs of fear, then back off without blame or shame.  Only go as fast as your child can manage, and encourage his efforts along the way.  Continue to point out how far he’s come and the skills he’s used so far to help him continue to overcome his fear (what he’s telling himself, breathing deeply).  Keep moving along his list of scary steps until you, hopefully, eventually reach the end point and the phobia doesn’t seem so unmanageable anymore.

Avoidance is one of the worst things that can happen with a phobia or other anxiety; the more we think about how awful something is and the less exposure we have to it, it becomes more and more scary and insurmountable in our minds over time, until it can be completely overwhelming to face.  Gentle exposure to the phobia over the course of time, slowly and respectfully, discussed positively and in terms of what he’s been doing that is already working will help, even after a setback. Use your judgment to decide when it’s reached a point that you need to involve a professional, such as your doctor or a counsellor who specializes in working with children.