As much as we’d like to protect our children from the death and loss, sometimes a pet or family member dies when our kids are young, and they may need our help to make it through the grieving process. 

There is a big variation on “normal” here — some people feel sad right away, for others the loss hits them a bit later, some people cry, some feel sad, some get angry…  This may be the first time a child bumps up against the permanent nature of loss, and it may be a very difficult thing for them to wrap their minds around.  Talk with your child and see if you can find out what part of it is the hardest for her to grapple with.  Is it the fear of the unknown when we die?  Knowing she’ll never see or talk with this person or animal again?  Not understanding the depth of her feelings and thinking she’ll feel like this forever?  If you can help her to pinpoint the biggest concern she’s having right now, then it becomes easier to talk about it and address it specifically.  Don’t be surprised if today it’s one thing and tomorrow another, or if the same issue keeps coming up again and again. 

Remember as well that the age of your child will play a big part in how she understands and copes with death.  The Parents Trauma Resource Center has a chart of how each age group typically approaches grieving and their unique challenges.

This is a great article called Children and Grief from the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry with a short overview of how to help your children cope and what to expect.  The Children’s Grief Education Association has a ton of resources and articles you might find helpful.  And here’s a local peer support group program called The Lighthouse Program for Grieving Children.

I know this is decidedly un-upbeat topic, but the sad fact is, many deaths take place around the holidays and in the early part of the year.  If you do need this kind of information, I hope this gives you a place to start.